This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience. Learn more

Craig's Coming Out Story: “Did I grow up in a homophobic household and in a homophobic town? I’d like to say no, but in reality, I think I did.”

By, Craig Baines - Senior Segment Manager & Head of Embrace Site Leads


Did I grow up in a homophobic household and in a homophobic town? I’d like to say no, but in reality, I think I did. 



I distinctly remember standing at the side of my mother, washing the dishes at around the age of 12 when Julian Clary appeared on the television (I think the show was called Trick or Treat?). I asked my mum what her response would be if one of her kids was gay and her response to me was that they would be told to move out of the house. Now, this may have been in jest (or not), but that did have an impact on my ability to be myself. This led to me trying to lead a ‘normal’ life, which involved me getting engaged to a woman at the age of 17.


It wasn’t until I was 19 when this fantastic lady sat me down and told me that she thought I might be gay. She was right. I then knew that I had to go through the process of telling my family and my first port of call was my sister. Laughably her response was ‘I have been waiting for you to tell me that since you were a little boy’ to which I responded ‘I wish you’d told me!’ On reflection, it would have made my life easier had she have done and then I wouldn’t have wasted 3 years of someone else’s life trying to be someone I wasn’t.


My sister promised to tell my parents the same day as I wasn’t brave enough to do so and they reacted as I expected – distraught. My brother’s immediate reaction was to tell me that I would never see my niece again (because obviously in his view, being gay was synonymous with being a paedophile). It was my mum who came round first. She came to see me and asked how this could have happened – her exact words were ‘I don’t understand, you never used to play with dolls’. My dad wouldn’t speak to me. My Grandparents said they would disown me. My Grandad specifically told me I was disgusting and that everyone hated gay people.




Luckily, I had a huge support network of friends and also colleagues in the workplace. I will never ever forget the support and friendship that my boss at the time, Linda, gave to me to enable me to come out at work. 


Eventually, my parents came round… my dad was talked round by his brothers who managed to convince him that I was still the same me. My mum and other family members just needed educating on what being gay was and what it meant to me. I now have a family who are prouder than me than they have ever been, who have accepted me for me, who love my partner, Adam, as much as (if not more than!) me and all is good in the world. 




As far as work is concerned, I’m just me. Times have changed - in the past, at work, I have been told to ‘tone it down’ a bit or even had it suggested that I should change the way that I am - I haven’t and I won’t. I have accepted that I am me and that works for me and I suggest that anyone else in my position does the same. Through my work with Embrace, Santander’s LGBT+ employee-led resource group, I know that I can bring my whole self to work. I am a firm believer that I should be able to have a conversation with anyone and not try to hide my sexuality. Everyone talks about their family, partner, kids etc, so why should I be any different just because my partner happens to be a guy?


My work with Embrace also helps me with my innate desire to support others. I have countless examples of where people have approached me for support, for example from a worried mother with a trans son not understanding how to approach the situation or a colleague having a difficult time coming out at work. It gives me fulfilment as well as personal support. 

 

Share this

myGwork
myGwork is best used with the app