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My Journey From Closeted and Married to a Woman to a Proud LGBTQ+ Parent

By Ray Rhodes, Global Director, Inclusion & Diversity at RX Global

I was deeply closeted and married to a woman when my amazing daughter, Samantha, was born. She was only 5 years old when I came out to her mother and ended the marriage. As you can imagine, our family “breaking up” was already tragic enough, but for all of us, navigating and staying mentally healthy through the process was the most critical element of our coming out on the other side in a really good place.

My child has always remained the center of my focus and was my motivation to seek support in therapy. I learned over time to take good care of myself, so I could be the best father possible.

I surrounded my child with amazing, loving people from my family and network of friends and colleagues, including some incredible LGBTQIA+ folks. I included her in my social circles and activities, and my extended family became hers. As I introduced people from different backgrounds to her, we had a candid and safe conversation about how we’re all unique and that our differences are something to celebrate!

We watched television shows with LGBTQIA+ representation; Queer Eye for the Straight Guy was our favorite. In fact, I came out to my daughter during a Queer Eye episode! It went something like, “Sammi, daddy has a lot in common with Auntie Carson….” and the conversation went on from there. She was so excited because she LOVED Carson Kressley – and her dad was like Carson!

When I began navigating dating, I kept it very discreet. I didn’t want to introduce anyone to my child unless I thought they had the capacity to love her as much as I love her. I never introduced her to anyone I dated until my partner, Joey, came along.


Ray and his daughter Samantha

Joey and I were friends for years, and Samantha was already very fond of him. After Joey and I dated for a couple of months, we finally let my daughter in on our secret. She and I were in the car when I told her, and I nearly had to pull the car over; she was so excited! Samantha was twelve at the time.

Fast-forward fifteen years, and Sammi and Joey have grown to love each other as father and daughter. Joey and I each have our strengths when it comes to parenting, and we balance each other well. The day we dropped Samantha off at college, I was a weeping mess, and Joey took her aside and calmly had the relationship, drugs, alcohol, etc., conversation with her. I, on the other hand, typically handle the career and finance conversations.

Today, my daughter is a program manager working with people with intellectual disabilities. She has a giant heart full of love and a great passion for embracing and lifting up the people around her. I couldn’t be prouder!

My most valuable advice to any parent is to take good care of your mind, body, and spirit and always keep your children's center focus. Fill their lives with wonderful people from a variety of backgrounds, model humility and service to others, teach them the value of authenticity, and gently guide them along their journey rather than doing the driving for them.


Ray, Samantha and Joey

My advice to organizations is to fund and support engagement in employee resources groups (ERGs) and other employee support networks. Hearing from other LGBTQIA+ colleagues who had similar experiences as mine literally saved my life. And now, I treasure being a sounding board and support system for others around me at work, from sharing parenting advice to helping parents navigate conversations with their LGBTQIA+ children. It’s a great honor to do the work that I do.

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