By Kevin Eksterowicz, Head of Talent Acquisition Operations at FIS Global
People always say that, “parenthood is a wild ride,” and what we’ve found is that statement is so incredibly on point and it doesn’t discriminate on how you came to be a parent. However, with that wild ride comes the other statement that, “it’s all so very worthwhile,” which also loudly rings true for us.
The hardest part for us was the process to becoming adoptive parents and, honestly, the very large financial investment that comes with the adoptive parent process. In the US, when working through an adoption agency, expectant parents should expect to shell out upwards of $40,000. And like most, we didn’t have that money just laying around. Keep in mind that most other avenues for two men to have a child are even more expensive. So, after swallowing that pill, we began down the road to be approved as adoptive parents which took about a year and proved to be a rather involved and invasive course. Wouldn’t it be nice if all parents had to go through those steps to ensure that they’re truly ready and invested!?
The biggest challenge came once we were available to be selected as parents. The way our process worked was that we were informed every time our desires matched those of the birth mother. We could then decide whether to be presented to the birth mother for consideration. Enter: the emotional rollercoaster. You tell yourself that you will not get your hopes up and that the right match will come when it’s meant to be. Nonetheless, every time you are submitted to a birth mother and not chosen, you find your heart on the floor, despite your best intentions to check your emotions at the door. It was a tough road and more emotionally taxing than we could have expected.
However, at the end of the day, we found that, indeed, the right match came when it was meant to be and we wouldn’t trade the expense or the rollercoaster for the end result. And a beautiful, heart-warming observation for us was the amount of love, support and ultimate celebration we found surrounding us all along the way. Now, yes, it can be irritating when you find yourself in a store and someone says, “what a beautiful little girl…which one of you is the dad and which one of you is the uncle?” Yet, rather than focus on the biases and inequities that remain in our world, we choose to focus on the progress that’s been made and the fact that, at the end of the day, we get to be parents to the most wonderful little girl this world has ever seen….okay, maybe that’s OUR own bias! Get over it. 😊