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"Show Up for LGBTQ+ Parents by Educating Yourself": Jen Spilling on Parenthood

Interview with Jen Spilling, Senior Recruiter at Moody’s


Hi Jen! Thanks for chatting with us – can you tell us a bit about yourself?

To introduce myself, I’m Jen, 32 years old, first time mum to Delilah, Lesbian, LGBTQ+ advocate, wife to be, IVF’er and proud Mancunian. I have been with Moody’s for three and half years, working in our Talent Acquisition team as a Senior Recruiter for roles across EMEA.

 

What advice would you give to an LGBTQ+ first-time parent? 

People are going to make assumptions, and sometimes that is OK, depending on the intent behind their questions. But my advice is to correct them every single time because without educating people, they won’t know to not do it again.



 

And what would be your advice to a parent whose child has come out as LGBTQ+? 
Shower them with love, support and understanding and educate yourself if you don’t understand.

 

Have you had any difficulties in the workplace as an LGBTQ+ parent?

Personally, I haven’t, but I think that is because I birthed our daughter. If I wasn’t the one pregnant and didn’t carry our daughter, I imagine it could have been different.  My wife had multiple times at work when she said she was having a baby and people assumed she was pregnant, so she would have to explain that she wasn’t and our situation. This often outed her to people in the organization that she hadn’t told she was gay. Again, I think it all comes down to assumptions. There isn’t one type of family or one way to become a parent in today’s world, and we need to be mindful of that.



 

What workplace policies are important to you as an LGBTQ+ parent? 
Our Allies Guide and bullying and harassment policies. Having these policies is a way of educating others to eliminate that unconscious bias towards the community.

 

What tips would you give to an organization to ensure their workplace environment supports LGBTQ+ parents? 

I think for a workplace environment to support LGBTQ+ parents it needs to be supportive of the LGBTQ+ community in its entirety. Educate your staff on LGBTQ+ topics, offer training, put on events, continue to keep your policies and benefits up to date. Show that you are showing up for your LGBTQ+ employees because it matters. The goal is for everyone to be treated equally, and I would hope that by continuing to educate your employees, being an LGBTQ+ parent will not be so abnormal, and we will be seen as just a parent, like any other person.

 



What are some of your favorite moments from parenthood?

For me being a mother has been incredible. I lost my mother when I was 18, which did put me off having children of my own, but after meeting my fiancé in 2016, I knew we wanted to raise a family together. Going through IVF was a process, but when I look at our daughter and the sassy little person she is becoming, it was so worth it; she is amazing. We took our daughter to her first pride march when she was three months old, and I am excited to educate her on the LGBTQ+ community and bring her up with the knowledge that families come in all shapes and sizes, and love is love.  

 

What are some of the unexpected challenges you’ve had as a parent?

Going back to work full time has been a challenge after having eight months of maternity leave. Not seeing my daughter every day has been a transition, but I also love my work and the fact that I am now a full time working mum. It can be a lot and my house isn’t as organized as it used to be, but we are getting into a new routine and weekends are so much more special now.  



 

What advice would you give to people in the workplace who want to be allies to LGBTQ+ parents in their organization? 
My advice would be please don’t make assumptions. Families come in all shapes and sizes, one mum, two mums, solo mothers, two dads, solo dads, grandparents etc. and in today’s society we simply cannot just assume that everyone has the heteronormative family set up of mum and dad.


You can show up for LGBTQ+ parents by educating yourself on the community, standing up against any workplace discrimination you may see, educating your own family and children about diverse families and encouraging them to be an ally too in the workplace or at school.

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