Amanda Turner on Her LGBTQ+ Parenting Journey

myGwork met Amanda Turner, a Senior Data Analyst at LexisNexis Risk Solutions, who told us more about her parenting journey as well as the joys and challenges she's had along the way.

Hi Amanda! Thank you for chatting with us! Could you please tell us a bit about yourself?

My name is Amanda Turner, and I work at Lexis Nexis Risk as a Senior Data Analyst. I have a wife and 2-year-old twin boys.

Could you tell us about your parenting journey?

My journey has been anything but typical. From choosing a donor and artificial insemination to having premature multiples during a once in a century pandemic. There’s very little my journey has in common with most people I know, but with I think that we have been incredibly fortunate. We were lucky enough to get pregnant on the first try, and according to the fertility clinic there was a less than 10% chance of that happening. On top of that we happened to also get twins which was a 0.4% chance. What feels even more serendipitous is that we got pregnant in February of 2020 and by March COVID19 had shut down the fertility clinics, meaning we would not have had another opportunity to try again for the remainder of the year at least.

What advice would you give to an LGBTQ+ first time parent? 

To remember that everyone’s journey is going to be different and in a lot of ways difficult. Don’t compare yourself to others or try to live in the model that society has presented as the correct way of doing things as most of those stories will not apply to your situation.

What advice would you give to a parent whose child has come out as LGBTQ+? 

Just love your kids. Love them as hard as you did that first time you saw them after they were born.

Have you had any difficulties in workplace as an LGBTQ+ parent?

No. I am incredibly lucky. I told my manager when he made the job offer that we were pregnant with twins, and I would need time off for that just a few months after starting the role. I was not eligible for parental leave however being so new to the organization which added additional stress to me to get creative with my schedule while the boys were still in the hospital.  I was so lucky that my manager was understanding and kind. He treated me with so much grace after the kids were born, and never once pressured me about work hours.

What workplace policies are important to you as an LGBTQ+ parent? 

The policies surrounding leave and family time have a long way to go in the US. No one is guaranteed the right to take time off work after having a child let alone a non-traditional family, so it is up to our companies to step in and do the right thing for workers where the law has not.

What tips would you give to an organization to make sure their workplace environment is supportive for LGBTQ+ parents? 

It is important to consider how many different types of families there are when creating HR policies. In the US it is not required to give parents time off for work, but companies that do often only give leave to the birth parent. This often excludes the father, same sex parent, or parents going through an adoption. Being inclusive to all types of families will not only increase the support for LGBTQ+ parents but really all parents.

Tell us about the joys of LGBTQ+ parenting? 

I don’t think there are any joys specific to being an LGBTQ+ parent but parenting in general can be great (you know, when it’s not being the hardest thing you’ve ever done). Kids are funny and wholesome and weird. It’s so interesting to watch little people learn so much and be excited and interested by everything they encounter. There’s not a day that goes by that they don’t make me laugh until my face hurts.

What are some of the unexpected challenges you’ve had as a parent? 

Having kids in COVID was especially hard. My boys were born 2 months early and were at extreme risk during the height of COVID. This meant that we couldn’t have visitors or helpers very often, and it was extremely lonely and isolating. On top of that because they were so early, they had terrible reflux. It meant that they were not able to sleep laying down and needed to be propped up which required that one of us were physically present and awake 24 hours a day for the first 8 months. It was truly miserable for all of us. When they were medically cleared to sleep on their own the clouds began to part and life improved a lot, but we still had to be extremely cautious and isolated due to COVID. We missed out on some of those fun things you get to do like their first Christmas or even their first birthday party. We essentially spent nearly 2 years in lockdown until a vaccine was developed for babies. I don’t think anything could have really prepared us for this extreme set of circumstances.

What advice would you give to people in the workplace who want to be allies to LGBTQ+ parents in their organization?

Don’t make assumptions about peoples lives. Open yourselves up to hear stories about other people’s lives. Ask people questions about themselves that you are genuinely interested in hearing the answers to, and share things about yourself as well.

What is the biggest lesson you have learnt on your parenting journey?

No matter how hard you work to make a plan, unforeseen circumstances will interrupt it and you will need to go with the flow.