As Long As Everyone Is Fed, Warm, Safe and Happy, Everything Else Will Fall Into Place

myGwork met Cath Morris, a Data Operations Manager at LexisNexis Risk Solutions, who told us about the joys and challenges of LGBTQ+ parenting. 

Hi Cath - thanks for speaking with us. Can you tell us what you do at LexisNexis?

My name is Cath Morris, and I’m a Data Operations Manager, at ICIS (part of LexisNexis Risk Solutions).

Can you share a bit about your parenting journey with us?

In 2007 I met Claire.  After a few years of travelling, and generally enjoying ourselves, we got married in 2013 and shortly afterwards took the first steps to build a family.  We went through fertility treatment, which wasn’t successful so took to our ‘plan b’ which was ‘fostering to adopt’.  By the end of 2016, we were fostering a beautiful baby girl, and by May 2017 she became our adopted Daughter.  We’re fostering another child now, with the hope he becomes our adopted Son later this year.

And what advice would you give to an LGBTQ+ first-time parent? 

It doesn’t matter how you identify, if you’re about to become a first-time parent, sleep now.  Sleep like you’ve never slept before and appreciate each and every single minute of blissful, uninterrupted, beautiful sleep.

What advice would you give to a parent whose child has come out as LGBTQ+? 

Hold them tight and tell them you love them for all that they are - and that will never change.  And thank them for being brave and sharing that part of themselves with you.

Have you had any difficulties in the workplace as an LGBTQ+ parent? If yes, how do you think these could have been prevented? 

I have never experienced any difficulties here, as an LGBTQ+ parent.  We have inclusive parental leave policies and I’m afforded trust and flexibility as I manage both my career and parental responsibilities.

What workplace policies are important to you as an LGBTQ+ parent? 

For me, adoption leave policies were super important at the time but now I find the flexible working, and charitable leave policies are really crucial.  We are given time to do charitable work in the community and I plan to use some of that time this year, in working with my Daughters’ Primary School on their Diversity strategy.  And as with every other working parent, flexibility at work is key to striking the right balance at home.

Can you tell us about the joys of LGBTQ+ parenting? 

We’ve met with some amazing LGBTQ+ families, which is really important to us, so our children see other families that look like theirs.  Through these groups, we’ve made some life-long friends, as have our children.  Our Daughter came home from school recently and told me that some of her friends wish they had 2 Mummies and could we do a swap with their Dads.  That made us laugh!

What are some of the unexpected challenges you’ve had as a parent? 

The adoption process is full of unexpected challenges, then there’s parenting in general which throws up a new challenge daily.  I think one of the biggest challenges for me personally, was losing my Mum to cancer 2 days after we started fostering our Daughter.  Nothing will ever be that difficult again I don’t think, and although incredibly tough at the time, it gave us the gift of resilience as we had to parent.  I had a responsibility to look after and to love this little person, and she became my reason to keep getting up in the morning.

Then of course, there’s a challenge we face on a far more regular basis, which is trying to convince both children that vegetables are not evil or disgusting.

What is the biggest lesson you have learnt on your parenting journey?

Never expect to arrive anywhere on time.  The laws of space and time, no longer exist once you are a parent.  Also, a really important lesson I’ve learnt is not to sweat the small stuff.  As long as everyone is fed, warm, safe and happy, everything else will fall into place.