From setbacks to success: overcoming challenges on the path to LGBTQ+ parenthood

Daniel Waters, Brand Manager at Sanofi, shares his unique journey of becoming a parent for the first time. From the setbacks and emotional challenges, to the rewards and life-changing journey he has since embarked on, Daniel reflects upon his experience and offers advice to those considering becoming parents for the first time.

Tell us about your personal journey with LGBTQ+ parenting.

My husband and I became parents to our first daughter in 2019, followed by a second daughter in 2021. We have always both been keen to raise children and we explored our options not long after we married in 2015. We decided to go through surrogacy in order to become parents, and began this journey in 2016. It was a complex journey for us, with some, but limited support available to us.

Over the next couple of years there were numerous setbacks, with significant financial and emotional challenges; it really did test us, and made us question ourselves as to whether we continue on our journey. We did decide we would keep going and pushing forward, and we received our first positive pregnancy test autumn 2018.

Please tell us a bit about yourself and your role at your organization. 

I live in the Midlands, and have done since I went to university. Since graduating, I have worked within the pharmaceutical industry, in a variety of roles, most recently now working in marketing. I met my husband in 2012, and early on in our relationship, we recognised that we both wanted to be parents, having come from large families ourselves.

Can you share a bit about your parenting journey?

My husband and I became parents to our first daughter in 2019, followed by a second daughter in 2021. We have always both been keen to raise children and we explored our options not long after we married in 2015. We decided to go through surrogacy in order to become parents, and began this journey in 2016. It was a complex journey for us, with some, but limited support available to us.

Over the next couple of years there were numerous setbacks, with significant financial and emotional challenges; it really did test us, and made us question ourselves as to whether we continue on our journey. We did decide we would keep going and pushing forward, and we received our first positive pregnancy test autumn 2018.

What are some of your favourite memories from your parenting journey?

Every aspect of being a parent has been amazing (although sometimes very challenging!), from the moment we received the first positive pregnancy test, through to holding our daughters for the first time, as well as their first steps & words.

However, our second daughter decided to arrive over 4 weeks early, whilst I was opening my birthday presents. Receiving the call on my 38th birthday was such a shock because with her not being due for a number of weeks at this point, we hadn't considered that we might share a birthday. Her early arrival is something we celebrate now jointly & every February the 17th now, is simply just a wonderful day to celebrate.

And what have been some of the most difficult moments in your parenting journey so far?

The most crushing parts of our parenting journey have been before they were born. It is hard to keep hope and focussed on the dream sometimes when there are so many setbacks and nothing is certain. Days can feel like weeks, weeks can feel like months, and months can feel like years. This can particularly be hard without sharing your plans with family and friends, because sometimes you carry this sadness with you alone, and I found this really hard.

Have you encountered any unique challenges or obstacles on your LGBTQ+ parenting journey, and how have you overcome them?

I've been very fortunate to be working in an open minded an inclusive organisation, so my journey hasn't included challenges or obstacles, however one thing I did struggle with was being open or discussing my plans proactively. Being a gay couple, I felt there were assumptions that parenthood was not something I was considering, however this far from the case. This misconception I felt was sometimes that little more challenging to deal with than perhaps I would have liked.

What advice would you give to an LGBTQ+ first time parent?

We have many gay friends who are parents, and all of our children play together. For me this is important, as our children recognise there are many other children with same-sex parents, that they are perfectly normal children, within a perfectly normal and loving family.

Can you share any tips or advice for other LGBTQ+ people considering or currently on their journey to parenthood?

Network early with other LGBTQ+ groups that are either going through their journey to parenthood, or our parents now. Learning from others, building support networks & and being resilient and persistent, will help you achieve your goal

Do you have any advice for how parents can normalize LGBTQ+ families to their children?

There are many children's books which explore the different types of families, we read them frequently to our daughters, but whilst they are innocent story time telling books, they reaffirm that families come in all shapes and sizes.