Having LGBTQ+ Friends has Made Me A Better Parent

By David Hazlewood, Digital Learning Specialist at Taylor Wessing

In high school, I had many friends but four close friends who I would see most weekends. We grew up together; we knew everything about each other. After high school, we stayed close and still meet up and go to parties as a group.

The first time one of these friends came out to me, I remember we were all going to a party, and one friend was running late, so we got there first and met them there. When they arrived, they were in full drag. They announced, 'This is who I am'. There was silence for a second then everyone at the party cheered and congratulated them; it was a lovely moment.

The second time, another friend took me out for a walk. We lived in the Peak District, so there were plenty of places to go walking. While on the walk, he casually told me he was gay. We then continued to talk, and he told me all about how he knew and how he felt it was good to get some understanding.

A few months later, my third friend took me to the pub with another man who I thought was just some guy that I was meeting for the first time. My mate introduced him as his boyfriend. I smiled and say hi, then stopped and looked at my mate. I gave him a big hug and asked why didn’t you tell me sooner. He said wanted to make sure he had the right guy before introducing his boyfriend to people. We then both laughed.

The last one moved to London, and he told me via text.

"I have been an ally for many years, and I am still learning. I have loved to watch how the world has changed for the better. We still have a way to go, but I will always be proud to be an ally."

While all this was happening, I remember one day, my dad and I were sitting having a beer in the garden. Just finished having a family BBQ. My sister was at a friend's, and Mum had gone inside. Dad looked at me super serious I thought I was in trouble. He told me it was ok if I was gay, but I was too scared to tell anyone because I was worried it would upset him. We had a long chat about me having gay friends going to the pub, meeting up, and also going to parties with them, but I am not gay. I just have gay friends. I also thanked him for being so open that if I was gay he was be there for me.

Now 40 years young and I am still good friends with my mates from school. We will meet up even though we live in different parts of the UK. Chester, Sheffield, and Derbyshire. We still make time to stay in contact with each other.

I am a divorced dad of two amazing children. My daughter turns 15 this year. She is a typical 15-year-old. Wants to see her friends more than her dad. My son is turning 13 this year, and they still have time for me.

David and his son, who turns 13 this year

The reason I am telling you all this is because of the life and people I had been around I wasn’t ready for, but it meant I had a better understanding when my son, at the age of nine, told me he was gay.

I was divorced by then, and I had the children over for the weekend. I was in bed at the time, and my son walked into my room with a folded tissue. Left it on the bedside table and ran out of the room. I picked it up, and it said 'I am gay'. I got out of bed and found my son. He was in my daughter's bedroom, and he looked so scared. I picked them up and gave them the biggest hug ever, and told them that I love them no matter what. I am always going to be here for you. If you ever need to talk about anything, I can help. They started crying and told me they loved me too. We then had a chat about it. I think my son was shocked about how understanding I was, but I was a little saddened that he was scared to tell me but so proud that he did.

That night I called my mates from high school and told them the news and also asked for advice as I have never walked in my son's shoes I don’t know what he is going through. They gave me some great advice. The one piece I keep to this day is the worst thing that can happen is he ends up straight.

When my son started high school, they told me they were non-binary, and their pronouns are they/them. They also told me they were going to wear a skirt to school. I'm not going to lie; at the time, that was harder for me to take in than when they told me they were gay. Not wearing the skirt, I was cool with that. I did sit them down and tell them about children in high school and how horrible they can be to people that are different. Having seen this many times with my friends. What I found hard, and I got it wrong a lot at the start was using the right pronouns. My son would call me out when it happened and still does. I am glad they did it; it helped me learn. Still, to this day, I make the odd mistake.

Before you ask, say about me calling my non-binary child 'Son' - I asked them about that, and they are ok with me calling them son as only two people on the plant have that honour.

I have been an ally for many years, and I am still learning. I have loved to watch how the world has changed for the better. We still have a way to go, but I will always be proud to be an ally.