Lee Israel on National Coming Out Day: “Surround Yourself With Acceptance and Love”

Today marks National Coming Out Day, an annual celebration bringing attention to the challenges LGBTQ+ people across the world still face when coming out. Coming out is a unique experience, different for everyone and not a one-off event, but something many find they do throughout their lifetime. Coming out in the workplace can be difficult, but there are many things employers and colleagues can do to create a welcoming environment where everyone can freely be themselves.

myGwork spoke to Lee Israel, Senior Service Manager at Colt, about his coming out story and how allies can support their LGBTQ+ colleagues.

Hi Lee – thanks for chatting with us! As it’s National Coming Out Day, would you like to share your coming out story with us?

I have many coming out stories, as I have told many different people at different times, but I can always remember the very first person I told. When I was young, many of my summer holidays were spent with family in Wales. One day, I was watching a film with my cousin – I can’t even remember what film now – but I do remember thinking the main actor was hot! We were chatting about the film and the stars, and at the same time asked if we could tell the other something. We both then just blurted out that we fancied the main stars; I fancied him, and she fancied her. I’ve now been with my boyfriend for nearly 20 years, and she has been with her wife for about the same amount of time.

The second person I told was another cousin. She actually lived directly across the road from me in London, she was much older and was in a same-sex relationship. It’s weird because even before I knew who I was and could understand the relationship she was in, I had grown up being quite close to her, and I suspect it’s because she could see in me from a very young age that I was going to be gay. I was with my cousin from Wales, and we both came out at the same time. She just laughed, saying she had known forever and was just really glad we both felt comfortable enough to tell her. A week later, she gave me a teen mag; hidden inside it was the latest addition of Gay Times. My world changed after that.

What advice would you give someone for coming out?

Before you come out, make sure you are confident it is what you want and are ready for the world to know who you are. It shouldn’t even be a thing to have to ‘come out’, but in today’s society, it is. I think everyone should be comfortable fully in their own skin before they decide to let others know fully who they are. It’s no one else’s business ultimately, but it can change the world around you once it happens and good or bad, you need to be ready for it.

If you have made the decision to come out, then I think it’s ultimately the right decision for you; it’s something you need to own in order to make sure you can live your best life.

Make sure you choose the right person or people to initially come out to, and that can be anyone from family to friends. It can be a huge relief to have told someone for the first time, plus it can make it much easier to tell more people afterwards.

Surround yourself with acceptance and love - this doesn’t have to be from those immediately around you. Remember, it can take different people time to process the news you have told them, especially family or those who might not have been expecting it. It can raise questions, concerns and many other things. I would make sure you are prepared to answer these questions and to make sure someone understands because they may be naïve about what it’s like to be LGBTQ+ in 2022.

What have your experiences coming out at work been like?

I remember starting a job, in a team of around ten people, with a mix of people, and I immediately felt quite comfortable being myself. A large portion of the team were women, and I felt very comfortable around them. It didn’t take them long to realize that when I talked about my partner that I actually meant boyfriend. I had nothing to worry about, and I was accepted by them.

However, for my first few weeks, one of the team leaders was on holiday, and I was told that I should steer clear of being ‘too gay’ around him because he was a “man’s man” and could be homophobic.

Understandably when he returned, I found myself initially being quite conscious around him. This was ultimately my mistake as I soon realized I should never have listened to someone else’s view because he may be a “man’s man”, but he was also an ally. As a fundamentally decent person, he liked a joke and a laugh, but he wasn’t homophobic or offensive, and he soon became a close friend and someone who I am still fortunate enough to call a friend today. I think my main lesson from this is that it’s down to me to make my own views based on how someone treats me, and I should never let someone else give me preconceptions.

How does Colt support and empower its LGBTQ+ employees?

Colt has many internal networks to help and support its employees. We have a PrideMatters network to support LGBTQI+ individuals and our allies which is a global network covering the whole organization.

How do you think coming out can impact others around you?

I would hope that if someone sees me being myself and being who I am in the professional workplace that it would help them to feel more comfortable in their own skin as well.

Not long after I started at Colt, a new member joined the team who was also openly gay. He was extremely confident in himself and who he was. As much as I was also out and proud, having him within the same team and making the same friends and social groups definitely helped me feel more confident in my own skin around the office.

It has been proven that being out at work increases productivity. What other advantages do you see in coming out in the workplace?

From my personal perspective, being out at work means I can be myself and be comfortable in my surroundings at all times. My friends and colleagues respect me for who I am, and I don’t need to pretend to be something that I am not. It means I can always focus fully on my job and my customers, which is what I am ultimately here to do.

How do you think allies can support their colleagues coming out?

I think the main thing they can do is to ensure they don’t treat the person who has come out differently. Just because this person has announced they are a member of the LGBTQ+ community doesn’t mean they now need to be treated any differently. I would also be sure to raise this with anyone else who decides they do need to be treated differently.

I think allies need to ensure that they just be there to support their LGBTQ+ colleagues if or when they come out. They shouldn’t pressure them to do so or push them into corners where they have to come out. Ultimately it needs to be the decision of the person themselves.