Living and breathing allyship: a neurodivergent parent's story

“If we don’t talk about it, we’ll never challenge stereotypes, build understanding and empathy, and develop ways to demonstrate inclusivity for our wonderfully diverse neurodiverse colleagues.” Stu Colman, Senior Director of European Identity at The Trade Desk, spoke to myGwork about his passion for disability inclusion and LGBTQ+ allyship. He also delved into the experience of receiving an ADHD diagnosis later in life and being a parent to LGBTQ+ and neurodivergent children.

I’m Stu Colman, Senior Director of European Identity at The Trade Desk in London and proudly vocal about being part of the neurodivergent community. I have many passions in my life: cars, Lego, football, ice baths, and disability inclusion (my wife is disabled). I have also always been a strong ally for LGBTQIA+ inclusion. When my 14-year-old twins came out to me just before the start of the pandemic, I was reminded of how important it is not just to say you’re an ally, but to live and breathe allyship. 

All four of my children have ADHD, but I only received my own diagnosis in my 40s. Being exposed to everything being neurodivergent brings, both the good and the bad, makes me passionate about driving awareness, understanding, and engagement to spark positive change. I’m proud of my ADHD and what it gives me. I want everyone to see, feel, and benefit from the joy that is neurodiversity in its many forms, and to understand there is so much more we can do to accommodate those whose brains work just a little bit differently. 

Neurodiversity is a complicated subject for those who are neurodiverse, as much as it is for those who aren’t. The ‘spectrum’ is large, and from my own perspective, neurodiverse people’s experiences of how it manifests for them is very personal. Talking openly about neurodiversity can be daunting, especially at work.

A recent study by the charity Neurodiversity in Business shows that 65% of neurodiverse people in U.K. companies are worried about stigma and discrimination from management, and 55% are worried about discrimination from their colleagues. If we don’t talk about it, we’ll never challenge stereotypes, build understanding and empathy, and develop ways to demonstrate inclusivity for our wonderfully diverse neurodiverse colleagues.

I’m on a mission to promote openness, education, and acceptance, so please reach out to me at any time if you want to find out more about what it’s like to live in a neurodivergent mind (or my version of it!). 

Below I’ve put together a list of ideas and approaches you can use to make your workplace a place where neurodivergent colleagues can be their authentic selves.  

- Be patient. Sensitivity to stimulation affects so many neurodiverse people, and overstimulation is common and often debilitating. Most offices are not neurodiverse friendly (lights, noise, smell, texture), so sometimes it takes us a bit of time and effort to engage with neurotypical people as our brains are being overloaded with so much additional input.

- Be curious, but also sensitive. It can be daunting to talk about how hard you’ve had to work to be understood in a world that’s often hard to understand. Take the time to learn about neurodiversity and the unique challenges faced by individuals with conditions such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and others. Education will break down stereotypes and stigmas. 

- Focus on outcomes, not process. Neurodiverse people often worry about not working in the same conventional way everyone else works, so try to be accepting that their working style might differ from yours, and judge them based on what they deliver, not how they deliver it. 

- Understand that different communication styles work for different people. Be open to adapting your ‘normal’ style to accommodate your neurodiverse colleagues. Ask them if they prefer Slack or email, face to face or Zoom, camera on or camera off, large groups or small teams. Put an agenda on every meeting invite and you’ll make us neurodiverse people smile. Allow people to ask questions via chat on a Zoom call instead of having to speak, or intentionally make space for your quieter team members to speak up. Be open to receiving questions and feedback after a meeting instead of during it. 

- Detail matters. Make instructions or requests clear, and if they’re important or time critical, make that obvious. Don’t be ambiguous when giving feedback. Always try and write instructions or requests down as well as delivering them verbally. 

- Create friendly environments for neurodiverse colleagues to be at their best. Create quiet work areas in the office, or periods of time with no team calls and chats. Allow doodling and fidget toys in meetings. Be understanding that social situations can be like Kryptonite for us neurodiverse people, even if we’re good at putting on a mask when needed. One social event size doesn’t fit all!  

To sum all this up - be patient, be understanding, be flexible, and be aware. Your neurodiverse colleagues are some of the most amazing minds you’ll ever meet, and given the right environment, they’re really keen to share them with you!