Neve Trinder on Allyship: “My Dad Came Out as Gay When I Was Eleven, and I’ve Always Been a Proud Supporter and Advocate for Him”

By Neve Trinder, Diversity and Belonging (D&B) Coordinator at Hearst UK

I’m Neve Trinder, Diversity and Belonging (D&B) Coordinator at Hearst UK and Chair of our brand-new internal ERG, Allied UK, a network focused on codifying self-education as a core practice in allyship.

I’ve been an ally to the LGBTQ+ community since long before I was aware the word ally even existed. My dad came out as gay when I was eleven, and I’ve always been a proud supporter and advocate for him and the rest of the LGBTQ+ community… we are proud gay Dad-vocates!

The journey hasn’t always been smooth for me, and it certainly hasn’t been for him. Societal perceptions of how a family should look have filtered through to both of us in the form of judgements and comments, some of them self-imposed. At the end of the day, love, care, and respect are what matters, and I can say with complete certainty that my Dad has been able to do all of those things more truly and honestly since he’s been able to open up about who he is and who he loves. I shout this from the rooftops and proudly.

I was initially hesitant to take the job that I now do. People like me are well represented in my company and in my industry, especially at my level. I’d felt Diversity and Belonging was a job for someone who was traditionally underrepresented in our industry.

I took the job when my boss-to-be explained to me the power I have, as an ally, to create change. Allies have powerful voices that can often influence others more easily, especially when they fit into social norms that underrepresented groups may not. It can be less emotionally taxing to challenge others when you’re an ally too. It hurts my Dad to respond to judgements on our family life, resurfacing doubts he’s had about himself and who he is. I haven’t faced the same trauma that he has, so I can challenge judgements without it having the same emotional effect. Over time I’ve realised that sometimes, I need an ally, too though.

Allies often have privileges that can be used to change social norms to be more inclusive from within. Doing this requires self-education and self-confidence to be vocal, though. Joining various employee networks in Hearst UK has helped me better understand what social causes are important to the people in them, including the issues and challenges they face. Reading lots, finding new podcasts, and engaging with art has brought even more vibrancy to this. I know I’ll never totally understand what it feels like to be a member of many of these groups. It’s just not possible. Doing these things has helped me to learn though, and I’m in a place where I feel more confident to empower, uplift, and support now.

The latest step in my allyship journey has led me to set up Allied in Hearst UK, a group fully focused on self-education. We’ll be working closely with all the other networks to better understand them and their needs, building a sense of true belonging within our organisation and fostering a culture where everyone feels heard. Another key part of allyship is creating opportunities and connections to the right people and the right opportunities. We’re connecting the dots in D&B by bringing together our senior leaders and all our networks to practise allyship together, creating more channels for reciprocal and intersectional group support. I’m excited to see where our journey takes us all next.