Parenting through COVID-19

By Charlotte Summers and Zoe Schulz

COVID-19 has introduced a new way of working and many parents are now subsiding to their homes due to Government rulings. In most recent news the UK is currently contending a full lock down, which forces many parents to now work from home with their children. With schools shut, education is at a halt and now parents look to juggle work life, parenting and educating their child to ensure they don’t fall behind.

To truly understand the extent of the damage, we’re going to explore this new reality with the help of LGBTQ+ parents and professionals to understand our new world.

LGBTQ+ Parenting

Parenting is no plain sailing and parents often state they go to work to “get peace and quiet”. But with no escape how are parents coping under these new stresses?

We spoke to Laura-Rose a Strategic Account Director at RED BOX Group and founder of LGBT+ Mummies Tribe on Instagram. With a busy schedule Laura-Rose is in her words “very lucky” in the sense that her wife supports and helps throughout the day with looking after the children, although there are still challenges ahead.

Whilst we discussed the effects of COVID-19, it became apparent that Laura-Rose’s children were in the background with the odd “be careful” whilst her children were playing. But understandably, to some parents this juggling act of work and parenting will collide. As Laura-Rose expressed, there is a worry that this will be seen as “unprofessional”, but this new sense of reality means that organisations may have to drop their professionality when parents are raising a family whilst working.

For parents, protecting their children from any dangers or upset is a necessity. With the Government enforcing stricter rules, questions are soon to follow from inquisitive minds.

“My children are now asking so many questions and understanding how to navigate these discussions in a child-friendly manner can be challenging due to the seriousness of COVID-19”

“My advice for any parents is to try to keep a sense of norm. We get up together and treat it like a normal day, even though it’s a strange situation. We’ve brought a range of activities and educational items to help our children keep track of their education.”

How coronavirus is impacting parents

The impact of COVID-19 is very apparent, with organisations being forced to shut their doors, workers relocating to home offices and many losing their jobs completely. The Telegraph reported that one million workers could lose their jobs, leaving many families in unthinkable positions.

Additionally, many family members are being classified as key workers. We spoke to the Lewis, who’s one half of twodadsinlondon and by day a NHS nurse. Both himself and partner Rich have been identified as key workers and now have to adapt to fit the Government’s regulations and family life.

“As many parents, their grandparents are the main childminders and of course they cannot have contact at present. Rich will hopefully start working from home but as I work for the NHS in general practice, I will be required to eventually take the heat off the hospitals with wound care and chronic illness management.”

“Our boy is currently in reception at school and we cannot help but think this will have an impact on his education, as much as we would love to say will we be amazing home school teachers, both him and us are struggling. We do have the option for our son to still attend school but at this point we are trying to work around it but may have to consider this at some point.”

With many parents in unique but similar situations, we’re faced with uncertainty and it’s estimated schools won’t be open until early September.

“My only advice to parents would be to relax and remember everyone is in the same situation, try not to compare yourself with any social media accounts who may seem to have this home-schooling system down perfectly. Truth is, they are probably having a harder time adjusting to it than you are so take a breath when things get stressful and just do your best.”

“In a way I can’t help but think this will give us all the time to reflect on what the most important things in life really are and when we can finally leave our homes I bet the first trip we will all take will be to see our families to give them all a much needed hug.”

Another family having to adapt are Jamie and Tom bloggers at Daddy and Dad. With two sons and almost two weeks into self-isolation, they’ve been learning how to maintain a healthy work balance whilst keeping their sons active.

“Our advice would be to spend a few moments each morning, or once a week at least, planning a schedule for your kids. We split our boys' timetable into hourly slots, a bit like a school timetable and fill each slot with a simple activity.”

“To come up with a diverse range of activities to stimulate the kids' brains, we used the Crystal Maze for inspiration - the boys' hourly slots are loosely based on mental, physical, skill and mystery activities”

Balancing professional life under the new reality of COVID-19

For those professionals that can work from home, attempting to go on as “business as usual”, in circumstances that are clearly not usual, can understandably be a struggle. Experts recommend that balance is key to making the most of working from home. However balancing schooling your kids, keeping your family safe and staying productive, all without being able to leave the house as a global pandemic goes on around you, may seem near to impossible. Yet, this is the task that professional parents around the country are currently faced with.

Adolescent therapist Alicia Drummond, explains that the anxiety around this is normal and that she’s had parents on the phone to her “wanting to know what to do” and “how to cope with everyone being at home.” Marriage counsellor Deborah Parker says she’s having similar conversations with parents wanting to keep on top of their work and not end up a divorcee. She advises “Couples should concentrate first and foremost on their children, if work takes precedence, then children often feel ignored or unappreciated. That can lead to adverse behaviour, negative feedback and playing up… and daily life for couples can become just too overwhelming.” This makes sense, but for some, letting work slip is not an option either. For parents who have another partner in the house, Parker recommends taking it in shifts. This way each parent has a chance to focus on their work and to spend quality time with their children. Useful advice from Whole Child Therapy, focuses on trying to set a routine for your children, something that can also be useful for adults! They also suggest not to worry too much about the home schooling, if this puts too much tension on family dynamics. The news around us is bound to be stressful for your children as well, so it’s okay for them to have a few days off. This also means, that they will be more likely to engage and learn on days that are focused on education. It’s also great time for your children to explore their creativity and learn about the things that really interest them. This individualised approach to learning is something that often gets lost in the structured school day and by asking them to choose what they’d like to learn about, you may get a more engaged student.

Over in Spain, the situation is very similar, with a lockdown having been enforced for nearly two weeks. The once busy streets of Madrid are eerily quiet, and parents are trying to find a new normal. Julie Coles, from Willis Towers Watson who is based in Madrid, opened up to us about balancing working from home and parenting, “It definitely isn’t easy to work and parent full time, but I am trying to be kind to myself and family and keep expectations realistic as we all need time to adapt and adjust to everything that is happening. I’m very grateful I can work from home whilst so many others are out working on the front line to ensure our essential needs are met. I think a lot about people who have already lost their income and that helps me keep the challenges I have in perspective.” She spoke of the importance of community, and how fellow parents and colleagues are been supporting one another from isolation, “I am seeing an incredible amount of solidarity, empathy, resilience and kindness from colleagues all over the world and feel this situation is bringing us closer together and helping us to focus on what is really important and how we can get through this together. The parents I know all share resources and ideas on WhatsApp, like Joe Wicks’ brilliant daily PE class for children and help each other with questions around homework.” It’s not just Julie that’s praising Joe Wicks online classes, with over a million students tuning in to his daily PE lesson, the British fitness guru is setting a new precedent for keeping kids active from their living rooms.

Chloe Davies, from myGwork, backs the importance of routine in balancing work and family life, under these less than ideal circumstances. She explains “Routine is everything for yourself as well as your child/children. Here at home we get up early, get dressed and have breakfast. With the weather being so nice we have outdoor time until Lunch and then I let them have screen time and I am so grateful that Disney+ has just gone live! I can still get away with letting them have a nap although this doesn't always work in my favour!! Dinner, bath and bedtime with me trying to fit emails and online work around. It's taken a few days for us to find our rhythm, but we seem to have found our feet so persevere, we've got this!”. She also has some great advice for those trying to keep the kids out of the room while on that all important business call, “There isn’t always going to be a quiet room to go to for a call or a Skype meeting and so I keep explaining to my littles what Mummy is doing so they know I’ll be back as soon as I can, when all else fails, bribery of snacks and screen time have been used or escaping to the garden/garden shed.” As the pandemic unfolds it’s bound to be a learning curve, one where mistakes are normal and we’re all trying our best. These are unprecedented times, so if you can’t do it all, don’t be too hard on yourself.

Explaining the virus to your children

Kids ask a lot of questions, that’s nothing new. It’s only normal for them to want to understand what is going on in the world around them, but when the reality is so daunting how do you know how much to tell them and how to do so? CBeebies star and celebrity doctor, Dr Ranj, has made a video, from the safety of his home, to help parents with exactly that. In his video he explains what the virus is and where it has come from, in a way that children can understand. ChildMind agrees that it is best to be honest with your children, as this news is everywhere and they’ll worry more if they’re kept in the dark. Although you shouldn’t be afraid to discuss the topic, they also suggest to not overwhelm them with information. You can answer their questions in an open and honest way, without volunteering additional information. It’s also vital that you have these conversations in a calm manner, as kids will pick up on any anxiety. Dr. Domingues points out that “When you’re feeling most anxious or panicked, that isn’t the time to talk to your kids about what’s happening with the coronavirus,” this will only startle them. If the news is stressing you out, take some time for yourself, as Chloe suggests “It's ok to feel overwhelmed, these are extraordinary times and as someone caring for someone else, the responsibilities feel immense. Just take it one day at a time, that's all we can do.”

Julie explains that in Spain they are taking a similar approach of being up front with kids, “The children and teachers at our school had talked about the virus before they closed down and my son seems to have a good understanding of what it is. Since we have been locked down, we have had to explain that he needs to be extra careful and not do things like jump on the bed in case he hurts himself. We have had to be quite blunt about why he needs to be careful, explaining that if he badly hurts himself he might not be able to get help from a doctor or nurse right because they are so busy looking after all the people with the virus and that we can help look after everybody by staying home and being careful.” She’s also finding that those small battles you have with kids, like finishing your dinner, are becoming much more crucial, “My son is a fussy eater and we have had to explain that we can’t get all the things we like at the moment and can’t waste what we have and that means he needs to eat some things he doesn’t like to stay healthy. I remember my lovely Grandma’s stories and wisdom from her childhood during WWII and try to talk to my son in the same way she did with me.”

What does this mean for key workers?

For key service workers, retreating to the safety of their homes is not an option. These are the workers that put themselves at risk of contamination every day, so that the vital services needed to keep society pushing through can be done.

Lewis explains how this is impacting their family “In our current situation and these uncertain times during this COVID 19 lockdown we are still trying to find our new routine or way of life in terms of flexibility, as we are both key workers… As I work for the NHS in general practice, I will be required to eventually take the heat off the hospitals with wound care and chronic illness management”

For these parents, limited schools remain open as the country can’t afford to have them out of work. Among them, are our precious NHS staff who are on the frontline of this battle. On top of this, our government pleaded for retired NHS staff to jump back in and help us get through this, and a massive 35,000 retirees have come forward. Nick Mudge, is a 62-year-old doctor among them and told the BBC “It’s a national emergency and health service workers are very much on the frontline so there’s increased odds that they could contract the virus and we need to maintain a healthy workforce... I would rather catch the virus doing something good and trying to actively help people than skulk away in a corner and pick it up going to the supermarket, so I’m meeting it head-on really.”

Lesbian doctor, Greta McLachlan found out about this all too real risk when she recently contracted coronavirus. She’s been tweeting her experience as she is on self-isolation with her family and urges the public to take staying at home seriously, “We’ve got to protect the NHS, protect healthcare workers and protect those who are more likely to suffer.”

Included as key workers are many working class jobs, those who drive our transport and work in our supermarkets, post offices and pharmacies. These are jobs that are too often looked down upon by other members of society, yet this crisis has proved just how much we rely on their hard work. These workers put themselves at risk every day, so that the rest of the public can safely stay home. However, amid panic buying and people flooding supermarkets, many workers are facing abuse from customers, with Tiff a supermarket worker telling the BBC "People have been yelling at me, asking why it's not there when we run out." Despite this, many supermarket workers have remained compassionate and have even extended their working hours, so that the elderly and vulnerable can enter the shop before other shoppers arrive. Mehfuz Dasu Patel, another shop worker adds to this "It's not the sort of business that can just disappear or you can work from home. We have to keep delivering to them, despite what's happening in the world." It’s this compassion for others, even those you don’t know, that will get us through this.

Our Spanish friends have found a heartwarming way to thank these unsung heroes, Julie tells us “Everyone goes to their windows or balconies at 8pm every night to applaud together all the workers who are helping keep us safe including the supermarket workers, pharmacists, healthcare workers, etc. My son takes part every night and we tell him that we are thanking everyone and why.” These are uncharted waters, but we are all going through it together and if we can be kind to one another, we can make it that little bit easier.

The full impact that coronavirus will have on both our family and professional lives is still unknown. We are all learning to adapt as events unfold, looking after one another and looking after ourselves, as best we can. If there is anything to make you appreciate the ones you love and the basics that we often take for granted, then this is it. We’re all different and we’re all making it up as we go along, so figure out what works best for your family and don’t forget to tell your cherished ones that you love them.