How to Be a Good Ally: The Do's and Don'ts
Culture
You don’t have to be LGBTQ+ yourself to be an ally. In fact, support from cisgender, heterosexual people is becoming an increasingly important factor in progressing LGBTQ+ rights. Jaya Khanna and Phillip Thomas from Marsh McLennan discuss the value of authentic allyship, providing top tips for those who want to expand upon their support for the community.
WHAT TO DO
- Empower yourself and read up about gender identity, gender expression, sexual orientation
- Be a good listener
- Understand that gender is not binary and clarify your own misconceptions
- Use inclusive language when communicating (ask people their pronouns / look at their pronouns on email communication and use the one they identify with, ask about their partner instead of assuming boyfriend/girlfriend)
- Treat your queer friends' partners as you would treat those of your straight friends
- Stand up against bullies and those who display transphobia/homophobia
- Try and create an environment where they can comfortably share their own experiences
- If you witness microaggressions at work, speak up
- Don’t share information about someone’s gender identity without their consent
- Break free of your stereotypes about queer people. Not every gay man loves fashion, not every lesbian has short hair, not all queers are into being ‘fabulous’. Thinking each queer is the same would be like reducing all pasta to spaghetti.
WHAT NOT TO DO
- Don’t make assumptions: Unless a colleague specifically mentions their sexual orientation, it’s unprofessional and inconsiderate to make assumptions
- Do not ‘Out’ your queer friends without their consent
- Avoid treating your queer friends as mere tokens to show how liberal you are (e.g., I have 5 gay and 2 lesbian friends!)
- Avoid saying things like – ‘It’s a phase’, ‘Are you sure you gay, but you don’t look gay’, ‘Is it because you have not yet met the right man/woman’, ’there are only two genders’
- Do not misgender your trans/non-binary friends
- Don't disregard their feelings of dysphoria and their fears, just because you have not experienced the same
- Don't ignore other aspects of queer colleagues and only focus on their gender identity or sexual orientation
- Do not appropriate ‘queerness’-adopting aspects of queer culture as your own just to be ‘cool’
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