Unveiled: Shared Realities Of LGBTQ+ Asian Professionals Around The Globe During Lunar New Year
Culture
It’s no secret that Lunar New Year can be a challenging time for many LGBTQ+ Asians. This week's myGwork event not only revealed how they are celebrating Lunar New Year, but also why it can be a challenging time for Asians who identify as LGBTQ+. Expert panelists from Yahoo, Zimmer Biomet, Marsh McLennan, HSBC, and Macquarie Asset Management shared their personal stories, revealing growing up LGBTQ+ experiences, with telling insights into how the pandemic has impacted the Asian diaspora.
Lunar New Year is an auspicious time for Asian families worldwide as they get together to feast on dumplings, fish dishes, like lobster with rice, or catch up with distant relatives over dim sum or a hot pot, collecting hóng bāo (red envelopes with money). But for many LGBTQ+ Asians, the holiday can also be fraught with complex cultural challenges and nuances that prevent many from coming out to their families. In fact, a report by the United Nations Development Program in 2016 found that no more than 15% of LGBTQ+ people in China come out to their close family members.
HSBC’s Mike Huang attributes the low figure to families being very traditional and conservative, especially in Asia. “If you don’t bear children, it’s one of the worst things you can do to the family because no one is going to carry your family’s name forward.” That kind of pressure is enough to put anyone off from coming out.
For Macquarie Asset Management’s Scott Liu, it’s usually the time of year when he’s bombarded by family members with questions like, “When are you going get a girlfriend?” So, this year, he enjoyed a low key Lunar New Year celebration with his partner. It’s why many LGBTQ+ Asians like him prefer to spend Lunar New Year with their ‘chosen’ friends and families. In fact, Scott has yet to come out to his dad. His father’s reaction to Scott saying 'yes' to legalizing gay marriage in Australia about a decade ago has put him off from coming out to his dad. Although he’s come out to his mom, he acknowledged that she still struggles with the idea that he won’t have children.
For Marsh McLennan’s Amy Huang, her father was the more understanding parent when she came out during high school. “My dad was totally fine about it. He even gave me a copy of Anchee Min’s Red Azalea, which is a lesbian story set during the Cultural Revolution. But my mom, a Catholic from Taiwan, was not comfortable with it at all. There was a lot of screaming about it for many years,” recalled Amy. “When I got married to my wife, she refused to come to the wedding.” Although she eventually ended up going, “she cried during the entire wedding day and was hysterical in all our family wedding pictures,” she added.
It was a fraught mother-daughter relationship. “But when I divorced my wife, my mother started giving me a red envelope again at Lunar New Year again, which she had stopped doing once I got married. By doing that, she acknowledged me as her child again,” recalled Amy. However she understands her mother’s struggle to accept her identity, which she attributes to grief: “They grieve because their child is not the person they had thought they were or hoped for.”
According to Mike, attitudes are changing for the better for his LGBTQ+ peers in Asia. There are now more LGBTQ+ venues and gay bars in Shanghai and other parts of China. "Friends that work for multinational companies now also have access to better benefits for same-sex partnerships, and more is being done to promote LGBTQ+ inclusion at work," he highlighted. "But on the ground, from a legal and country perspective, there’s a long way to go to achieve real LGBTQ+ equality and progress.”
In fact, most LGBTQ+ Asians remain closeted at work and home due to cultural and social pressures. There are still countries where you are punished just for being gay in Asia. In Singapore, for example, it’s still illegal to be LGBTQ+. In fact, Taiwan is the only Asian country that has legalized same-sex marriage.
That said, living overseas isn’t a bed of roses either. Whether you’re an immigrant, or first or second generation LGBTQ+ Asian, life can also be complex in the West, especially if your parents still highly value tradition. More recently, the pandemic-related Asian hate further complicated matters putting Asians at risk; even in the supposed safe haven of the West.
“The rise in anti-Asian violence in the US has been particularly jarring,” noted Amy, who also suffered harassment during the pandemic and, as a result, has been “hiding out” at home because of the number of businesses that have suffered violence and attacks in DC. She said didn’t understand exactly why she was being attacked. “Was it because I’m Asian, queer, or a woman?” questioned Amy. It’s still a tough time for her as she misses “the huge Lunar New Year banquets” that she’d usually host for her chosen family pre-pandemic.
As an Asian woman, and an ally to the LGBTQ+ community, creating safe spaces is top of mind for Yahoo’s Erica Loh Jones. She believes that organizations need to provide more support for Asian and LGBTQ+ colleagues suffering anti-Asian hate.
In general, “it’s a crazy world right now and Asians” – LGBTQ+ or not – “have to be diligent,” agreed Zimmer Biomet’s James Cheng. His advice to struggling and confused LGBTQ+ Asians is “never feel like you’re in this alone, as you have representation across the globe. My recommendation is to lean into your community and trust your network.”
Despite the challenges for many LGBTQ+ Asians, Lunar New Year is a time to honor history, agreed the panelists. “I’m very fortunate to have a Chinese Studies Major,” said Amy. Although her parents were not thrilled about her studying history, it played an important role in shaping her. “For example, I learned why there are Chinese restaurants everywhere, even in places like South Dakota. Chinatowns sprung up everywhere in the US because they were the only places Chinese people were allowed to live.” She also shared why fortune cookies – a Japanese tradition – ended up in Chinese takeouts: “There are lots of aspects of our history that we take for granted, but it’s really important to understand it.”
It’s also vital for LGBTQ+ Asian professionals to accept all facets of their identity and intersectionalities, according to the panelists. “I’m a second generation, Chinese American who was raised by an immigrant family who were socioeconomically challenged; I’m also a veteran of the air force, a gay man, and I have an invisible disability. None of that’s bad. That’s all part of me and I’m proud of it,” explained James. “Being able to share that is important. It’s not about separating those aspects, nor about balancing them. It’s about integrating them and honoring the authenticity of who you are. Ultimately, being loud and proud in a way that honors your past and your identity, can also empower others to be themselves,” added James. In fact, having LGBTQ+ allies showing support on an active basis played an important role to encourage Scott to be out at work.
“It’s vital that companies show up authentically too,” added Amy. “Don’t cover up or pretend to care because it costs money as people leave. DE&I is key and must be led by the leadership. They must say it and commit to it with time and resources.”
The panelists concurred that authentic support from leadership will help more LGBTQ+ Asian’s take off their masks, come out, and be their real selves – at least in the workplace – which will ultimately also result in better productivity, and help to retain diverse talent.
Check out the full conversation, moderated by myGwork’s George Wright and sponsored by Yahoo, in the video link below.
myGwork also published a series of articles to mark the Lunar New Year this week. They include:
A Brief History of Queer China
Top Asian LGBTQ+ Reads for Lunar New Year
Lunar New Year 2022: Celebrating The Year of The Tiger
10 Must-Watch Asian LGBTQ+ Movies For Lunar New Year
Lunar New Year: About the Celebration and How to Get Involved
Navigating My Culture and Sexual Identity
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